Next to the problem of self, the greatest problem I will have as a disciple is my relationship to others. When that relationship is pure, there is no greater joy; when sour, no greater heartache. But what do I do when a friend becomes a “holy irritant”? I use the formula of the apostle Paul, “Forbearing one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2, KJV). Someone has said, “There are two pets every Christian family should have: bear and forbear.”
To forbear means I will accept others as they are without rejection. I have been guilty of two sins in my interpersonal relationships: I tend to pick my friends, hoping to avoid trouble; and when I cannot pick them, I try to reform and reshape them, hoping to avoid trouble. Both are impossible ways of relating to others. I must realize that when I surround myself with “similar prophets,” people who see things as I do, who are quick to agree and slow to disagree, I am not doing them and myself any justice. To develop properly as a disciple, I need a “troubler,” someone who tells it like it is, regardless. That is what Elijah was to Ahab (1 Kings 18:17). Though Ahab did not know it, Elijah was his best friend. Unfortunately, Ahab did not forbear Elijah, so he failed.
My critic, my irritant, my troubler will do wonders for my heart if only I will learn to forbear. I must grant him the right to exist and say his piece so I can learn from him and even be molded by him. God deals with me in strange ways, none stranger than my troubler. He may be God’s velvet glove to smooth away the crustiness of my heart. The crowning truth of my relationship to my troubler-regardless of what he may say or do to me-is “God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20).
“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Daily with the King 